Hoping for the Wrong Thing

This photo was taken in New York Nov. 2019, our last trip before the pandemic.

“I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing.”

— T.S. Elliot

I normally write blogs with my fellow brain injury survivors in mind. But right now we’re all survivors. Survivors of a global pandemic. Survivors of nationwide hate and division. We appear to be drowning in utter chaos. We cling to hope to stay afloat. But are we hoping for the right thing?

For the first few years into post-concussion syndrome, I hoped for my life back - back to the way it was before I hit my head. I kept reaching back, but this just prolonged my suffering - much like most people in 2020 who just wanted the year to end. Could we just turn back the clock to how it was before the pandemic? We reached back and tried to live as if the pandemic wasn’t a problem, just like I continued to reach back and deny my brain injury. By denying reality, I suffered more and longer. We also suffered more and longer with the pandemic by trying to live our lives as if it weren’t happening. We were hoping to get our lives back. But we were hoping for the wrong thing.

One of the many lessons I learned from the rabbit hole of concussion recovery is that in order to move forward, Healing must be the hope we cling to. In the brain injury community, healing does not mean life back to the way it once was. True healing is much deeper and more liberating than that. Healing is letting the dark times transform us to a better version of ourselves. Healing is being still and asking, “Who do I want to be now?”

As we, our nation and the world, move through the healing process we must ask ourselves what lessons have these dark times taught us? Will they transform us or will we keep reaching back? Who do we want to be now? Let’s not go back. Let’s pin our hope on Healing and move forward together.

Peace,

Sharon