Finding Contentment with an Injured Brain
“Contentment is not the absence of the difficult and challenging, but the absence of our resistance and argument with the difficult and challenging.”
Fortunately, I am at a place in my healing journey where I can think about and experience contentment. But early in my recovery process, at the height of my symptoms, I could only focus on surviving. Contentment was more than I could comprehend. So dear reader, if you are in the early phases of recovering from a brain injury and still just surviving moment to moment, please know that it won’t always be this way and contentment will come if you stay open to it.
What is Contentment?
Contentment means something different to each of us, but we all struggle with finding it. We are a restless society and the notion of being content is considered extraordinary rather than the norm. Before my concussion I defined contentment as having the stuff I wanted and the time to do what I wanted. Prior to my head injury, I was one of the discontent – rarely satisfied. I was always buzzing about, busy, thinking of the next thing, never in the present moment. But one of the best gifts my concussion journey has offered is that I have been set free from this need to be busy all the time and constantly planning for the next day. I no longer feel the need to fill every moment. I enjoy time in the nurturing abyss of nothingness.
It’s easy to feel content when things are going our way, but much more challenging when life hits us on the head and forces us to change course. My journey has taught me that contentment is the willingness to experience peace and gratitude, even when life isn’t what I expected it to be.
Acceptance Required!
In his book, The Ghost in My Brain: How a Concussion Stole My Life and How the New Science of Plasticity Helped Me Get It Back, Dr. Clark Elliott writes about finally accepting his circumstance while simultaneously not giving up. Surrendering to your current circumstance without giving up hope is a vital part of the healing process for the brain injured. As I discussed in my book, even the old cabinet door that I hit my head on told me to, “Stop fighting it.” This all sounds so simple, but when a person has struggled for weeks, months, and then years with concussion symptoms it’s hard not to simply want your life back to what it was before the head injury. However, I discovered that reaching back is not the way out. We must first accept what is, so we can begin to inch our way forward.
Looking Forward, Not Back
During my darkest days when I couldn’t even walk at more than a geriatric pace for long, let alone return to running, I was often discouraged to the point of tears. It was so easy to choose hopelessness and to feel sorry for myself. I was reaching back, trying to be who I was before the head injury. I was not accepting the day’s circumstances. When I stopped trying to do too much, stopped trying to be who I was before my head injury, I started to inch my way to recovery. I celebrated being able to walk for five minutes without increasing my symptoms. I slowly increased the length of time and pace. It took well over a year, but I finally was able to walk at a perky pace for four miles. My bladder would give out before my head! Victory! I can’t overstate the importance of acceptance, inching forward, and not reaching back. Let go of wanting your life back and you will find that it can actually be better than before. Stay hopeful my friends!
Peace,
Sharon
